Wednesday, 7 August 2013

Outrageous Excuses IV

A man caught with a prostitute in his car told police she was there to show him where to buy tomatoes. (BBC 2013-07-25)

I’m not racist, I have two Kashmiri staff and a Polish wife.” UKIP MEP Godfrey Bloom (paraphrase) after saying publicly that the UK should cease foreign aid to “Bongo Bongo Land”.

Homeopathic care is enormously valued by thousands of people. (Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt in 2007)

The decision to make the vehicles without operational windows on the top deck was made by TFL, not designer Thomas Heatherwick. Hendy said the new bus “is cooler than the latest equivalent bus”. He added: “It’s not a political issue, not is it a fundamental design failure, and it’s nothing to do with a lack of opening windows; it’s a manufacturing and operating failure which has been fixed.” (Transport Commissioner Peter Hendy, July 2013) (All buses are like Turkish baths in hot weather. If they had enough windows that opened properly, they wouldn’t need aircon.)

Jeremy Forrest (he seduced and abducted a schoolgirl, starting when she was 14) “was in a dark place” with his marriage, “made a mistake and knows he’s been stupid” (parents). His mother says his wife didn’t support him when he was depressed. Father: “The Jeremy who did that is not the one I know… [His wife] needed constant reassurance.” He told the girl his marriage was a “hollow sham”.

The captain of the Costa Concordia “tripped and fell into one of the starboard lifeboats”, he originally told investigators. (July 2013)

Uzbek president calls his citizens "lazy" because they're so poor a third of them have to travel abroad for work. (Daniel Trilling/‏@trillingual)

Head of Hayward Gallery on fact there are only two women in "outsider show": "Maybe women are more down to earth." (@IntervalThinks)

Clichés are “colourful”, and without them the world would be a dull place.

Rhys Ifans’ rudeness and bad language in interview “was all down to him taking 'antibiotics'" and "coming to terms with bad news he'd received a few weeks ago in Wales" according to his PR. (Guardian June 2013)

According to Jung “people choose their parents in order to seek out the level of trauma they need in order to help them fulfill their destinies”.

Council found to have painted yellow lines down a narrow alley explained workers had “forgotten how large cars actually are”. (2013)

Stuart Hall initially called rape allegations “pernicious, callous, cruel and above all spurious”. He later admitted all counts and is now in jail. (2013)

UKIP candidate was not snapped giving a Nazi salute, he was “imitating a pot plant”. (New Statesman)

A human rights lawyer who fell asleep during a hearing in the Ghanaian Supreme Court has put his doziness down to a "spiritual attack" which began following a trip to London where he had an unsettling vision of a hippopotamus. (legalcheek.com April 2013)

Boys don’t read because the material isn’t challenging enough. (BBC Feb 2013)

I don’t have Botox any more because I honestly believe that beauty comes from inside. (Brix Smith-Smart May 12, 2012)

Aberdeen has lost a chance to push forward the frontiers of science - well as expected they have no guts - they are prisoners of Tradition and prim and proper science. (Aberdeen University turns down an anthroposophy course/department. www.timeshighereducation.co.uk)

Teens who tweeted racist comments after the election: My account was hacked, it was a joke, teacher says “That’s not him really”. (And a hamster ate your homework, we know.)

More here, and links to the rest.

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